i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
