I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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