I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
