Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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