ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
