now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize