omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
