If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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