you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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