Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
