he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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