I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
