Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize