I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize