you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
