my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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