I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize