Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
