Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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