JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
