The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
