Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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