In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
