I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize