omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize