So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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