i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
