Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
