So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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