I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
