He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
