Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
