I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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