dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
