i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
