Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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