drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
