He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
