I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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