i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
