This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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