I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
