I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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