She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
