The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
