I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
