Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
