Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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