i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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