Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She bit a glass in half.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
