I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
