drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
