yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
