Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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