How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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