hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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